The intention of that era was good. We wanted every child to feel successful, like there was nothing that couldn't be achieved and each was as good as the other. only they weren't
The truth is some kids are better at some things than others. To pretend otherwise is a big fat lie and kids can smell a rat. In trying to create a population where everyone would feel great about him/herself we created a population of people who may not have such great self-esteem because we told them they were great and they KNEW they weren't. We set the bar low and no one had to reach it but we still celebrated success. HUH?
Now, if you ask many employers, these children have grown into adults who have a strong sense of entitlement and little ambition to achieve much of anything. They get a job and want to keep it because they're breathing and, after all, they have all these trophies and medals to PROVE that they're great!
It turns out that if you want to build a child's self-esteem you have to set the bar a tad high (at a reasonably attainable level) then help a child reach that bar. That child needs to make mistakes then learn how to correct them. Children need to LEARN how to FAIL! Everyone fails. A LOT
We don't get a trophy for just showing up.
Case in point-- Not too long ago a child at our school signed up to be on the golf team. That child showed up for ONE practice, found out that there were no golf carts and never showed up again until the banquet.
When the child was not announced as having been on the team, Mom rushed in, pitched a loud and quite memorable fit. The coach was "encouraged" by the administration to include the child in the announcement. HUH?
So just how do we teach children the skills they need to achieve, fail, come back? I think the secret lies in letting him/her make decisions from a very early age and insisting that the child does for him/herself what he/she is capable of doing. When your child can dress him/herself--DON'T do it for the child. (that includes picking out the clothes-you wouldn't believe what my kids sometimes looked like--maybe you would) You don't have to tell them how wonderful everything looks-you can tell them how proud you are that they were so "grown-up" and didn't need your help!
When there's an age appropriate decision to be made by the child, elicit input! "What do YOU thind should be done?" "What do you believe will happen if you choose that? Why?" One of the happiest moments of my life is when my daughter wrote in a school paper that one of the reasons she's been successful is because we didn't make decisions for her. We always discussed options and consequences. At times when her immaturity led her in the wrong direction we would have to step in and dictate. sort of
In those instances we would typically give her choices that we knew were viable options but she still got to choose. She also had ownership of the consequences which were sometimes good, sometimes bad. We handled them all! She had help, support and encouragement but she was allowed to be in charge at age appropriate levels. She's now a strong, confident young adult who um, DEFINITELY has her OWN opinions and is not shy about telling us what they are!
Below are items from new shop owners who have not yet made a sale. You may make your own choice about whether or not to explore further and whether or not to buy! You're welcome. ;)
By Steinvka: $28.00
By: kself $15.00
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