Children Learn What They Live

is a profoundly true statement. We're often surprised when we find out that our children are bullying! Sometimes parents choose to disbelieve the news and others wonder how it could be true.

How do you interact with your child? My neighbor is a wonderful stay-at-home father. He spends hours every day playing outside with his girls but I shudder sometimes at what he's saying. Recently his girls were climbing the tree in our backyard. One of his girls was fearful of climbing as high as the other. In what he obviously believed was a good-nature prompting, he tried to goad her into climbing higher by repeatedly calling her a chicken. My heart broke because I understood his intent but I also knew the unintended consequences of his actions.

First, he taught her not to trust her instincts. He taught her that in order to please others she needed a false bravado. (Fathers are the major factors in the development of thier daughters' self-esteem.)

Second, he taught his girls that it's OK to taunt others when they're not complying with directives. Calling names is "good-natured" fun. It's not. It hurts-especially when it comes from a parent.

Third, he taught her that she's not good enough as she is. She needs to be better.

We have a duty to our children to choose our words carefully. One single word, one time, can impact our children for the rest of their lives. We will all make mistakes but if we're aware we can do better. Like our children we're all works in progress~we need to use our best tools to create a work of art.