As I sat in our team meeting Monday morning, the school secretary came down to tell me the principal wanted to speak to me. Not unusual so I wasn't concerned. The secretary and I chatted on the way down to the office. I walked around the corner to his doorway and saw 3 top administrators waiting for me. I immediately panicked thinking that someone in my family had been seriously hurt or killed. I sat down and the principal, notorious for being unclear and idiotic in his oral communications, began a conversations with, "A math document has come to our attention..."
I had no idea about what he was talking but as the conversation progressed, I came to understand that he was talking about a 10 question worksheet I had created! There were 8 different varieties of questions but only 10 questions I had written to help prepare the students for the upcoming state achievement test!
Suddenly I felt like bombs were going off around me and I effectively lost my "wits" because I knew that what they were pursuing could lead to the loss of my job!
The admin. alleged that I had read the math test in advance of administering it and created my worksheet based upon what I had read. INSANITY! There was another teacher in the room with me the entire time! There were also 46 KIDS! No time, no desire, no chance. Totally preposterous!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Coming Back
I'm coming back! I don't know how frequently, but I'll do my best. I felt self-conscious about my last post but I've met so many people, even on Etsy, who also are trying to navigate during the best of times and the worst of times. (Rings a bell, somehow)
I'm working daily on recovery and am going to relate my story, a little at a time. This is about recycling ME. I was at a time in my life when I felt so shiny and new, felt thrown away and am now on the precipice of re-purposing myself so I invite you to share this journey with me.
I was fired from my 26 year teaching career on Friday. I've been fighting a total lie for 3 years now and it finally took away part of my soul.
In 2006 I created a worksheet containing 10 math problems-8 different concepts. I was teaching 6th grade in a school with 12 sixth grade math teachers so I gave a copy to other teachers of math in our 6th grade group. I gave this worksheet to them after our first day of state achievement testing-right after all of our students had completed the reading test. When I gave the worksheet to the teachers, it was my intention for them to use it if they wanted to or not if they didn't. The 8 questions were based upon areas of difficulty my students had experienced so it seemed that other 6th graders would also need additional practice. As I gave this worksheet to the teachers, I thought I was clearly exaggerated and outrageous when I joked to them using comments like, "Don't send this home.", "Shread this when you're done." or "Chew this up and swallow it. Destroy the evidence!"
Totally without my knowledge, my comment made one teacher uneasy and he subsequently helped create an exaggerated concern with some of the other teachers. Instead of anyone's coming to ask me about their questions concerning my comments, one of the teachers turned me in to the administration of the school.
In the meantime, the remainder of the testing week went by without incident. The Thursday before the final day of our school's testing was my birthday. As was our tradition in our 6th grade, we gathered to eat lunch together, chat, joke and MOST IMPORTANTLY eat CAKE! As usual, it was a fun and much too short time spent among "friends". Little did I know of the talk and worry among the colleagues whom I held so dear. I wouldn't find out about any problem until first thing Monday morning!
I'm working daily on recovery and am going to relate my story, a little at a time. This is about recycling ME. I was at a time in my life when I felt so shiny and new, felt thrown away and am now on the precipice of re-purposing myself so I invite you to share this journey with me.
I was fired from my 26 year teaching career on Friday. I've been fighting a total lie for 3 years now and it finally took away part of my soul.
In 2006 I created a worksheet containing 10 math problems-8 different concepts. I was teaching 6th grade in a school with 12 sixth grade math teachers so I gave a copy to other teachers of math in our 6th grade group. I gave this worksheet to them after our first day of state achievement testing-right after all of our students had completed the reading test. When I gave the worksheet to the teachers, it was my intention for them to use it if they wanted to or not if they didn't. The 8 questions were based upon areas of difficulty my students had experienced so it seemed that other 6th graders would also need additional practice. As I gave this worksheet to the teachers, I thought I was clearly exaggerated and outrageous when I joked to them using comments like, "Don't send this home.", "Shread this when you're done." or "Chew this up and swallow it. Destroy the evidence!"
Totally without my knowledge, my comment made one teacher uneasy and he subsequently helped create an exaggerated concern with some of the other teachers. Instead of anyone's coming to ask me about their questions concerning my comments, one of the teachers turned me in to the administration of the school.
In the meantime, the remainder of the testing week went by without incident. The Thursday before the final day of our school's testing was my birthday. As was our tradition in our 6th grade, we gathered to eat lunch together, chat, joke and MOST IMPORTANTLY eat CAKE! As usual, it was a fun and much too short time spent among "friends". Little did I know of the talk and worry among the colleagues whom I held so dear. I wouldn't find out about any problem until first thing Monday morning!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Updating Blog
I haven't been consistent with updating this blog. It's not because I'm lazy or that I don't care. I care deeply about many issues and events.
I suffer from clinical depression and severe anxiety disorder and every day can be a total struggle. Sometimes getting up in the morning is the most I can hope to accomplish. I am extremely fortunate to have a husband and family who are wholly supportive and helpful. I'm getting better but recovery is a slow and unpredictable process.
The catalyst for my illness occurred a little over 2 years ago. Our family was experiencing several personal traumatic events when I was accused and convicted of committing an offense concerning state testing (I was a teacher.) that I did not commit and thus have suffered a painful end to a career that I loved and cherished for the last 26 years.
I have felt a full gamut of emotions over these past couple of years as our family continues to contend with a wide variety of very difficult issues but this teaching issue has been excruciatingly painful for me. Knowing that I am totally innocent (there was another teacher in the room with me the entire duration of the testing period who testified that I did not do what I was accused of doing) but still be in the process of losing a career to which I was fully committed is an unspeakably difficult event.
Despite my pain I struggle with some guilt over the reaction I experienced because I know intellectually that there are far worse tragedies and and human situations than mine. I guess we just don't have control over our chemistry that we'd like to have.
Each day is a new challenge for me. I continue to fight to clear my name and my restore my former stellar reputation in the community. I struggle to forgive those who put me in this situation as they sought retaliation against me. I hope that they find peace and can continue their lives finding kindness and love instead of vindication and anger. It is then that we will have more healing souls on the Earth and continue our journey toward a better planet.
I suffer from clinical depression and severe anxiety disorder and every day can be a total struggle. Sometimes getting up in the morning is the most I can hope to accomplish. I am extremely fortunate to have a husband and family who are wholly supportive and helpful. I'm getting better but recovery is a slow and unpredictable process.
The catalyst for my illness occurred a little over 2 years ago. Our family was experiencing several personal traumatic events when I was accused and convicted of committing an offense concerning state testing (I was a teacher.) that I did not commit and thus have suffered a painful end to a career that I loved and cherished for the last 26 years.
I have felt a full gamut of emotions over these past couple of years as our family continues to contend with a wide variety of very difficult issues but this teaching issue has been excruciatingly painful for me. Knowing that I am totally innocent (there was another teacher in the room with me the entire duration of the testing period who testified that I did not do what I was accused of doing) but still be in the process of losing a career to which I was fully committed is an unspeakably difficult event.
Despite my pain I struggle with some guilt over the reaction I experienced because I know intellectually that there are far worse tragedies and and human situations than mine. I guess we just don't have control over our chemistry that we'd like to have.
Each day is a new challenge for me. I continue to fight to clear my name and my restore my former stellar reputation in the community. I struggle to forgive those who put me in this situation as they sought retaliation against me. I hope that they find peace and can continue their lives finding kindness and love instead of vindication and anger. It is then that we will have more healing souls on the Earth and continue our journey toward a better planet.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Compassion for the Environment
We have a great way to work hard for our environment. Besides the measures we take in our daily lives there is a way we can make an impact around the world.
WE can influence the entire United States of America!
WE can influence The way the United States of America interacts with the rest of the world concerning environmental policies!
WE CAN VOTE! Our new president will be instrumental in developing our policies over the next 4 years.
Barak O'Bama:
http://obama.senate.gov/issues/environment/
Hiliary Clinton:
http://www.hillaryclinton.com/Issues/energy/
John McCain:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/02/22/mccain-scores-zero-on-env_n_87952.html
We all know we must act NOW and even NOW may be too late. We can, however, do what we can we only have from this minute forward.
WE can influence the entire United States of America!
WE can influence The way the United States of America interacts with the rest of the world concerning environmental policies!
WE CAN VOTE! Our new president will be instrumental in developing our policies over the next 4 years.
Barak O'Bama:
http://obama.senate.gov/issues/environment/
Hiliary Clinton:
http://www.hillaryclinton.com/Issues/energy/
John McCain:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/02/22/mccain-scores-zero-on-env_n_87952.html
We all know we must act NOW and even NOW may be too late. We can, however, do what we can we only have from this minute forward.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Bullying of the Very Most Difficult Kind
Children.
They evoke in us such strong feelings.
Acceptance
Affection
Anger
Annoyance
Anxiety
Awe
Compassion
Confusion
Contempt
Curiosity
Depression
Disgust
Disappointment
Doubt
Ecstasy
Empathy
Envy
Embarrassment
Euphoria
Fear
Frustration
Gratitude
Grief
Guilt
Happiness
Hope
Horror
Hostility
Hysteria
Interest
Jealousy
Pity
Pride
Rage
Regret
Remorse
Revenge
Sadness
Shame
Suffering
Surprise
Wonder
Worry
I've only just begun. Most of us realize when we sign up for parenthood that we're signing up for quite the roller coaster of emotion. There are some days when we're strong and some when we're not. There are times when we shine as parents and times when we're shamed. It's all expected.
What's not expected is this: (don't click if you're very sensitive) http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11267971
Our first inclination is to condemn the offender as being worse than the devil. Yes, these are people who commit despicable offenses. It's sickening, nauseating and the act is unforgivable but are ALL offenders worthy of these labels?
"We" are partly to blame, I believe, as a society. Mom/Dad have a baby then are shown posters declaring not to ever shake a baby, a video about successful diaper changes and nursing and if they're still breathing, sent out the door and left to fend for themselves. Some are young and ill equipped and some are ill equipped.
Mom is raging with hormones and emotions and, if Dad is present, can be confused and confounded by the changes in his life. Add drugs and/or alcohol to the mix and the results can be devastating. Then, there's post-partum depression...
Do you know a new mother? Have you known a new mother? Do you actively watch for signs that there may be problems? (Even someone who desperately wanted a child can be stricken with feelings/emotions that come totally unexpectedly.)
Does your community vote for mental health levies? Do you help to obtain those votes? Do you talk about the levies? Do you promote them?
I vote for the levies and sometimes discuss them in groups. I'm going to be more active from now on and I'm going to start looking in on new moms with regularity. I don't know of anyone who doesn't appreciate help after a birth.
Maybe one visit could make a difference-of life-of death-of horrible injury and who knows? Maybe I can hold the baby!
They evoke in us such strong feelings.
Acceptance
Affection
Anger
Annoyance
Anxiety
Awe
Compassion
Confusion
Contempt
Curiosity
Depression
Disgust
Disappointment
Doubt
Ecstasy
Empathy
Envy
Embarrassment
Euphoria
Fear
Frustration
Gratitude
Grief
Guilt
Happiness
Hope
Horror
Hostility
Hysteria
Interest
Jealousy
Pity
Pride
Rage
Regret
Remorse
Revenge
Sadness
Shame
Suffering
Surprise
Wonder
Worry
I've only just begun. Most of us realize when we sign up for parenthood that we're signing up for quite the roller coaster of emotion. There are some days when we're strong and some when we're not. There are times when we shine as parents and times when we're shamed. It's all expected.
What's not expected is this: (don't click if you're very sensitive) http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11267971
Our first inclination is to condemn the offender as being worse than the devil. Yes, these are people who commit despicable offenses. It's sickening, nauseating and the act is unforgivable but are ALL offenders worthy of these labels?
"We" are partly to blame, I believe, as a society. Mom/Dad have a baby then are shown posters declaring not to ever shake a baby, a video about successful diaper changes and nursing and if they're still breathing, sent out the door and left to fend for themselves. Some are young and ill equipped and some are ill equipped.
Mom is raging with hormones and emotions and, if Dad is present, can be confused and confounded by the changes in his life. Add drugs and/or alcohol to the mix and the results can be devastating. Then, there's post-partum depression...
Do you know a new mother? Have you known a new mother? Do you actively watch for signs that there may be problems? (Even someone who desperately wanted a child can be stricken with feelings/emotions that come totally unexpectedly.)
Does your community vote for mental health levies? Do you help to obtain those votes? Do you talk about the levies? Do you promote them?
I vote for the levies and sometimes discuss them in groups. I'm going to be more active from now on and I'm going to start looking in on new moms with regularity. I don't know of anyone who doesn't appreciate help after a birth.
Maybe one visit could make a difference-of life-of death-of horrible injury and who knows? Maybe I can hold the baby!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Cars, Gas and Our Environment
I would like to extend my condolences to the oil companies who struggle to keep up with the energy demands of the United States and the exploding demands in China and India. As a small business owner, I can't help but to occasionally shed a small tear for your profits that extend only into the trillions of dollars. *I need a time-out here-I've become vaklempt*
Are we then to believe that it is the increased demands for petroleum that is driving the cost of gasoline into the stratosphere? Well, let's consider HOW WE CAN SIGNIFICANTLY LESSEN that demand and help to control costs.
1. Be mindful of everything that you consume that is petroleum based and choose, whenever possible, products that are packaged or manufactured differently. 14 plastic bags are equivalent to the petroleum it takes to drive ONE mile.
2. WALK or ride a bicycle whenever you can. We can all use the exercise. Even if we have high mileage cars with low emissions we are still emitting and consuming.
3. Be mindful of your driving errands and try to combine errands to avoid multiple trips to the same area.
4. Car pool or offer to run an errand for a neighbor or friend when you're out. Do 6 people in the same neighborhood ALL need to go to the store for soy milk at once?
5. WRITE to companies who package what you use in plastic and DEMAND that their packaging change! Frozen vegetables, for example, can be packaged in waxed cardboard boxes. In what were items packaged before plastic was invented?
6. How many baggies or Ziploc bags do you use? When can you use waxed paper, foil, reusable containers? MOST OF THE TIME! I rarely use them. I've had one box for over a year.
7. Garbage? What about paper lawn waste bags? Wrap up what you can't compost in newspaper like people did before plastic bags began to ruin our planet.
8. CLOTH diapers. (Use a diaper service if you don't have time to manage the extra laundry.)
9. TURN IT OFF! When you leave a room, turn off the lights and televisions, etc. Unplug TV's radios, computers, etc. when everyone is going to be out of the room for several hours.
10. BUY used. You'll save loads of money and help the enviromnent-no matter what. Remember, manufacturing requires energy, resources and frequently gallons and gallons of water and some chemicals.
One person practicing lesser energy consumption may not impact the price of gas much but MILLIONS and MILLIONS at a time will!
Are we then to believe that it is the increased demands for petroleum that is driving the cost of gasoline into the stratosphere? Well, let's consider HOW WE CAN SIGNIFICANTLY LESSEN that demand and help to control costs.
1. Be mindful of everything that you consume that is petroleum based and choose, whenever possible, products that are packaged or manufactured differently. 14 plastic bags are equivalent to the petroleum it takes to drive ONE mile.
2. WALK or ride a bicycle whenever you can. We can all use the exercise. Even if we have high mileage cars with low emissions we are still emitting and consuming.
3. Be mindful of your driving errands and try to combine errands to avoid multiple trips to the same area.
4. Car pool or offer to run an errand for a neighbor or friend when you're out. Do 6 people in the same neighborhood ALL need to go to the store for soy milk at once?
5. WRITE to companies who package what you use in plastic and DEMAND that their packaging change! Frozen vegetables, for example, can be packaged in waxed cardboard boxes. In what were items packaged before plastic was invented?
6. How many baggies or Ziploc bags do you use? When can you use waxed paper, foil, reusable containers? MOST OF THE TIME! I rarely use them. I've had one box for over a year.
7. Garbage? What about paper lawn waste bags? Wrap up what you can't compost in newspaper like people did before plastic bags began to ruin our planet.
8. CLOTH diapers. (Use a diaper service if you don't have time to manage the extra laundry.)
9. TURN IT OFF! When you leave a room, turn off the lights and televisions, etc. Unplug TV's radios, computers, etc. when everyone is going to be out of the room for several hours.
10. BUY used. You'll save loads of money and help the enviromnent-no matter what. Remember, manufacturing requires energy, resources and frequently gallons and gallons of water and some chemicals.
One person practicing lesser energy consumption may not impact the price of gas much but MILLIONS and MILLIONS at a time will!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Soap Nuts
I've received some questions about the soap nuts so today's article is going to be about those wonderful shells.
I purchased mine from Lullwater: http://www.lullwatersoapnuts.com/ because they were the best priced soapnuts I could find. (If someone finds a better price, please let us know.)
from treehugger: http://www.treehugger.com/files/2006/01/soap_nuts_a_new.php
As it turns out, soap nuts are NOT just for laundry--oh no, my friends. The list goes on and on!
You can boil some in water, let it cool and use as a very mild shampoo, then rinse your hair with a vinegar/water solution and, let me tell you, your hair will be shiny and very clean!
Recipe:
Tie 8-10 soap nuts in a cotton bag and boil in 3 Cups of water for about 15 min. Allow the shampoo to cool. Pour into a container and use as a safe, very gentle, shampoo.
This shampoo will not lather like the commercial detergent shampoos so BE CAREFUL to only use a very small amount. ( If your hair is dried out after use, you've used too much.) Rinse your hair with equal parts water and white vinegar for a chemical free "conditioner".
Tune in! I'll be listing more uses for this great product! In the meantime, you could be putting your soapnuts in this fantastic bowl by
Saturday, April 19, 2008
It's been a 2 year search that has FINALLY ended! It seems that I've yearned for an energy saving front loader washing machine forever. My washer and dryer are about 20 years old each and, needless to say, are not energy star appliances nor do they begin to even think about being eco-friendly users of resources. I've held on to them because of the cost prohibitiveness of purchasing new sets. ( I also often wonder if the use of new appliances such as these would offset the energy needed to manufacture them.)
Last week, in one of my regular searches of Craigslist.org, I FINALLY found a great used set! I was able to purchase the washer, dryer and 2 drawer stands for much less than the price of the brand-new washer! The set is 4 years old but in great condition. The previous owners are moving from their house to an apartment where they will be unable to take the appliances. Now, in combination with my soap-nuts and washing with cold water, my washing will be much less resource consumptive and a whole lot greener!
My old set is being given away free to a mother of 5 children who needs them badly. This is a great cycle! Anytime we can reuse instead of purchasing new, it's a great cycle. We save resources, energy and keep chemicals out of the environment. We work to create a better Earth for everyone!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Soap Nuts
I just tried a great new product~SOAP NUTS! Soap nuts are a totally natural product for washing clothes and they're actually NUTS! I used them for the first time yesterday and my clothes have
never come so clean! My white clothes are WHITE! NOT just a rumor of white! I used 4 nuts for 3
loads of clothes! The shells will go in our planter with the mulch. NO detergent pollution. NO
plastic container. GREAT product! What's not to love?
From Treehugger.com:
We find these little nuts interesting (and also wonder who discovered them) but apparently you can use them in your washing machine in lieu of detergent. SoapNuts are the shells of a seed from trees grown throughout India and Nepal. These shells give a soapy substance when they come in contact with water (the seeds are discarded) and it’s said that 1kg of the nuts can wash 100 loads. Simply pop 6-8 shells in the cloth bag and throw them in your washing machine – these will last about 3-4 washes. Your wash will come out clean, but without a smell, so if you like the scent of clean clothes just add a few drops of essential oil to the wash beforehand. SoapNuts can also be used for other things as well, like washing windows, cars or pets. When the shells have been used to their full extent just throw them in the compost pile. Thanks for the tip, Michael D.! Via ::Groovy Green
There are many places you can find online where you can find soap nuts for sale and prices vary. They're well worth the price and are, for us, less expensive than the laundry detergent we were using. I LOVE THEM!
Help save the planet. Everything you do with eco-consciousness helps. How about this print on recycled paper by ilikeapplejuice?
never come so clean! My white clothes are WHITE! NOT just a rumor of white! I used 4 nuts for 3
loads of clothes! The shells will go in our planter with the mulch. NO detergent pollution. NO
plastic container. GREAT product! What's not to love?
From Treehugger.com:
We find these little nuts interesting (and also wonder who discovered them) but apparently you can use them in your washing machine in lieu of detergent. SoapNuts are the shells of a seed from trees grown throughout India and Nepal. These shells give a soapy substance when they come in contact with water (the seeds are discarded) and it’s said that 1kg of the nuts can wash 100 loads. Simply pop 6-8 shells in the cloth bag and throw them in your washing machine – these will last about 3-4 washes. Your wash will come out clean, but without a smell, so if you like the scent of clean clothes just add a few drops of essential oil to the wash beforehand. SoapNuts can also be used for other things as well, like washing windows, cars or pets. When the shells have been used to their full extent just throw them in the compost pile. Thanks for the tip, Michael D.! Via ::Groovy Green
There are many places you can find online where you can find soap nuts for sale and prices vary. They're well worth the price and are, for us, less expensive than the laundry detergent we were using. I LOVE THEM!
Help save the planet. Everything you do with eco-consciousness helps. How about this print on recycled paper by ilikeapplejuice?
Lonely Forest Planet Print
ilikeapplejuice $30.00
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Making News
Millions of people stared at the TV in horror as a Florida girl stood helpless against a group of bullies who damaged her hearing and caused other severe injuries as they held her hostage and forced her to endure 5 severe beatings and taped themselves beating her. They were hoping to post their abhorrent behavior on YouTube and MySpace. The victim's crime? Ostensibly posting "trash talk" on MySpace.
In my wildest imagination I can't reconcile a world in which such behavior is acceptable let alone worthy of advertising?
Parents of teens we need to be vigilent! While our children are taller and older looking, they're still vulnerable and physically haven't fully grown the neurological connection to FULLY understand behavior/consequence.
To the greatest extent practicable, we have a duty to know what our children are doing online. We MUST DEMAND to know their passwords to all accounts whether or not we plan to peruse their accounts. LISTEN to their conversations. TALK to them. KNOW where they are.
Hopefully, throughout the course of their childhoods, we've regularly discussed behaviors that are and are NOT acceptable in our families. PERIOD.
Tune in to their moods. Are they suddenly not associating with the same people? Why? LISTEN, don't talk. Check in with guidance counselors if you have a concern. Teachers and other school personnel can usually give you important information.
ALL of the girls in this situation were harmed. The victim will likely be tormented by this event for the rest of her life. Hopefully, after the girls perpetrating the beatings fathom what they've done they will be too. Not to the extent that it ruins their lives but to the extent that they will apologize to their victim and teach their children to behave entirely differently.
These girls all need a lot of help and a lot of love.
In my wildest imagination I can't reconcile a world in which such behavior is acceptable let alone worthy of advertising?
Parents of teens we need to be vigilent! While our children are taller and older looking, they're still vulnerable and physically haven't fully grown the neurological connection to FULLY understand behavior/consequence.
To the greatest extent practicable, we have a duty to know what our children are doing online. We MUST DEMAND to know their passwords to all accounts whether or not we plan to peruse their accounts. LISTEN to their conversations. TALK to them. KNOW where they are.
Hopefully, throughout the course of their childhoods, we've regularly discussed behaviors that are and are NOT acceptable in our families. PERIOD.
Tune in to their moods. Are they suddenly not associating with the same people? Why? LISTEN, don't talk. Check in with guidance counselors if you have a concern. Teachers and other school personnel can usually give you important information.
ALL of the girls in this situation were harmed. The victim will likely be tormented by this event for the rest of her life. Hopefully, after the girls perpetrating the beatings fathom what they've done they will be too. Not to the extent that it ruins their lives but to the extent that they will apologize to their victim and teach their children to behave entirely differently.
These girls all need a lot of help and a lot of love.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
What Comes First?
Business, clubs, activities, friends, chores, errands children? I think we'd all agree that our children are first in our lives compared to these other demands of our time. Do they know that? Tonight I was working on a bag while my son was nearby talking to me about something. As I worked I looked at him occasionally and muttered, "Uh huh" a couple of times. We finished the conversation and he left the room. I don't remember about what we were talking.
That bothers me. As soon as I realized I really didn't know or remember what had been discussed I felt alarmed. I missed a golden moment. My son is almost 18! If you know anything about teenagers you know that conversations are sometimes rare. It can be a real treat to actually have a conversation that doesn't include a teen rolling eyes, huffing and sighing in disdain or snorting.
I try to remember to drop what I'm doing and be totally engaged with my family when they're talking to me. I don't always do well. At the time I believe I'm multi-tasking but I really am not if I forget the most important thing that has transpired during my burst of efficiency.
If you've never heard Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle". Listen to it or look up the lyrics. I need to sing that song more often.
That bothers me. As soon as I realized I really didn't know or remember what had been discussed I felt alarmed. I missed a golden moment. My son is almost 18! If you know anything about teenagers you know that conversations are sometimes rare. It can be a real treat to actually have a conversation that doesn't include a teen rolling eyes, huffing and sighing in disdain or snorting.
I try to remember to drop what I'm doing and be totally engaged with my family when they're talking to me. I don't always do well. At the time I believe I'm multi-tasking but I really am not if I forget the most important thing that has transpired during my burst of efficiency.
If you've never heard Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle". Listen to it or look up the lyrics. I need to sing that song more often.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Value of Losing
My son has participated in a competition called "Future Problem Solving" as a part of the "gifted" program in our school system for the past 6 years. My daughter, now a college student, and my son have learned immeasurable skills as a result of their involvement with this program. Each has been on teams who have gone on to compete in International Competitions (the highest level) and they've both placed in the top levels there. My point is, my son is used to winning.
Too used to winning as it turns out. He's been a part of the same team for all of the years of his involvement. This year, the team turned down several opportunities to practice. Their decision, in part, was based on a complacency of their skills and talents and a definite over-confidence in their ability to "sweep" the competition.
I believe it is easy for us all to gain an over-confidence in areas of our lives. For these kids, this choice turned out to be one that lead to their not even placing in the top 5 groups in their categories. They were are deeply disappointed and surprised. Their failure to obtain a place in the International competion was the addition of one word in their writing: fair. Quite a coincidence.
While enjoying ice cream on the way home, one of the team members stated that perhaps they SHOULD have practiced. Perhaps their absence of practice was a factor in their "failure" (as they saw it). Well, YEAH!
To me, that revelation alone made the experience far more valuable than it would have been if they'd won. I'm actually very happy then, that they lost.
What did they learn? They learned that if you want to remain at the top you have to work at it.
Life is like that, isn't it? What a fortunate lesson to learn at this young age. Hopefully, it will be a lesson that they will never forget. A successful life takes effort. We can't rest and take what we've achieved for granted. If we do, we stand a great chance of falling. The way down can be brutal.
Too used to winning as it turns out. He's been a part of the same team for all of the years of his involvement. This year, the team turned down several opportunities to practice. Their decision, in part, was based on a complacency of their skills and talents and a definite over-confidence in their ability to "sweep" the competition.
I believe it is easy for us all to gain an over-confidence in areas of our lives. For these kids, this choice turned out to be one that lead to their not even placing in the top 5 groups in their categories. They were are deeply disappointed and surprised. Their failure to obtain a place in the International competion was the addition of one word in their writing: fair. Quite a coincidence.
While enjoying ice cream on the way home, one of the team members stated that perhaps they SHOULD have practiced. Perhaps their absence of practice was a factor in their "failure" (as they saw it). Well, YEAH!
To me, that revelation alone made the experience far more valuable than it would have been if they'd won. I'm actually very happy then, that they lost.
What did they learn? They learned that if you want to remain at the top you have to work at it.
Life is like that, isn't it? What a fortunate lesson to learn at this young age. Hopefully, it will be a lesson that they will never forget. A successful life takes effort. We can't rest and take what we've achieved for granted. If we do, we stand a great chance of falling. The way down can be brutal.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Baby Reagan 1lb. 6 oz. Mom and Dad need words of encouragement
Reagan was born 10 weeks early. She's a little over 1 month old now and has contracted an infection which she's valiantly fighting.
LucidDreamDesigns asks that we leave comments for the parents to read each morning before they go to the hospital.
A few moments of your time to help this family during a very difficult time.http://reaganoliviawinslow.blogspot.com/2008/03/reagan-olivia-winslow-1-pound-6-ounces.html If you comment, please convo me for a 10% discount on any item in my store. Good until Reagan is able to leave the hospital.
LucidDreamDesigns asks that we leave comments for the parents to read each morning before they go to the hospital.
A few moments of your time to help this family during a very difficult time.http://reaganoliviawinslow.blogspot.com/2008/03/reagan-olivia-winslow-1-pound-6-ounces.html If you comment, please convo me for a 10% discount on any item in my store. Good until Reagan is able to leave the hospital.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Giving Is a Wise Idea
heatherfuture: Pauline Gets a Tan $80.00
Heatherfuture, http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5559647, just posted a thread in the Etsy Etc. thread wanting to feature random acts of kindness in her blog. Her entire blog is being devoted to random acts of kindness and Pay-It-Forwards. What a wonderful bright spot we all have a chance to create for someone. Every day. Without a reason. Happiness for no reason!
What an opportunity we all have to teach our children about empathy. Looking for people with small needs or maybe just for no reason and anonymously creating a moment of happiness. Just a chance to do something for no reason other than to create happiness! Is there something better to teach our children?
Children can learn by our example the happiness that can come from just being nice! It doesn't even have to cost money. Is there an elderly person in your neighborhood? Take cookies or offer to read a book together. Who, living around you might be lonely? (NOTE: I DO NOT ADVOCATE SENDING CHILDREN INTO OTHER'S HOMES ALONE.)
What if your neighbor woke up one morning and the newspaper and some muffins were waiting on the porch? What if someone came home to find the leaves raked? what if...
What if we took these small opportunities and our children saw us in the act? What if we invited them along? What if they learned to care for others instead of taunting them? What if?
Read the exciting blog about random acts of kindness and get inspired. Invite your children along for the excitement! http://etsyactsofkindness.blogspot.com/
Heatherfuture, http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5559647, just posted a thread in the Etsy Etc. thread wanting to feature random acts of kindness in her blog. Her entire blog is being devoted to random acts of kindness and Pay-It-Forwards. What a wonderful bright spot we all have a chance to create for someone. Every day. Without a reason. Happiness for no reason!
What an opportunity we all have to teach our children about empathy. Looking for people with small needs or maybe just for no reason and anonymously creating a moment of happiness. Just a chance to do something for no reason other than to create happiness! Is there something better to teach our children?
Children can learn by our example the happiness that can come from just being nice! It doesn't even have to cost money. Is there an elderly person in your neighborhood? Take cookies or offer to read a book together. Who, living around you might be lonely? (NOTE: I DO NOT ADVOCATE SENDING CHILDREN INTO OTHER'S HOMES ALONE.)
What if your neighbor woke up one morning and the newspaper and some muffins were waiting on the porch? What if someone came home to find the leaves raked? what if...
What if we took these small opportunities and our children saw us in the act? What if we invited them along? What if they learned to care for others instead of taunting them? What if?
Read the exciting blog about random acts of kindness and get inspired. Invite your children along for the excitement! http://etsyactsofkindness.blogspot.com/
Monday, March 31, 2008
Children Learn What They Live
is a profoundly true statement. We're often surprised when we find out that our children are bullying! Sometimes parents choose to disbelieve the news and others wonder how it could be true.
How do you interact with your child? My neighbor is a wonderful stay-at-home father. He spends hours every day playing outside with his girls but I shudder sometimes at what he's saying. Recently his girls were climbing the tree in our backyard. One of his girls was fearful of climbing as high as the other. In what he obviously believed was a good-nature prompting, he tried to goad her into climbing higher by repeatedly calling her a chicken. My heart broke because I understood his intent but I also knew the unintended consequences of his actions.
First, he taught her not to trust her instincts. He taught her that in order to please others she needed a false bravado. (Fathers are the major factors in the development of thier daughters' self-esteem.)
Second, he taught his girls that it's OK to taunt others when they're not complying with directives. Calling names is "good-natured" fun. It's not. It hurts-especially when it comes from a parent.
Third, he taught her that she's not good enough as she is. She needs to be better.
We have a duty to our children to choose our words carefully. One single word, one time, can impact our children for the rest of their lives. We will all make mistakes but if we're aware we can do better. Like our children we're all works in progress~we need to use our best tools to create a work of art.
How do you interact with your child? My neighbor is a wonderful stay-at-home father. He spends hours every day playing outside with his girls but I shudder sometimes at what he's saying. Recently his girls were climbing the tree in our backyard. One of his girls was fearful of climbing as high as the other. In what he obviously believed was a good-nature prompting, he tried to goad her into climbing higher by repeatedly calling her a chicken. My heart broke because I understood his intent but I also knew the unintended consequences of his actions.
First, he taught her not to trust her instincts. He taught her that in order to please others she needed a false bravado. (Fathers are the major factors in the development of thier daughters' self-esteem.)
Second, he taught his girls that it's OK to taunt others when they're not complying with directives. Calling names is "good-natured" fun. It's not. It hurts-especially when it comes from a parent.
Third, he taught her that she's not good enough as she is. She needs to be better.
We have a duty to our children to choose our words carefully. One single word, one time, can impact our children for the rest of their lives. We will all make mistakes but if we're aware we can do better. Like our children we're all works in progress~we need to use our best tools to create a work of art.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Is Your Child Different?
It's too bad but it's also too true that children who are "different" in some ways are often the most bullied. Children who like classical music, prefer to read over playing video games or just have an aire about them that's not typical tend to bear the brunt of tauntings and teasings that can be devastating.
It's been said by those in the medical profession, that IF a child has ONE friend it can make the greatest positive difference in a child's school experience. ONE friend can save the "different" child.
Parents, YOU can help find that child. First, talk to staff at the school and find out what kinds of clubs and/or organizations might interest your child and encourage involvement in those activities. Second, look for community clubs, groups and organizations in which your child may find interest.
If you can't find something, perhaps YOU could organize one! It could be as simple as a "film society" where a few children gather at your house to watch movies of similar interest. A craft group where children can create items of interest, anything that might capture a chance for your child to meet and know others with whom a connection might be made.
Children can survive with ONE friend. Sometimes we parents can help find that one. It's definitely worth a try.
It's been said by those in the medical profession, that IF a child has ONE friend it can make the greatest positive difference in a child's school experience. ONE friend can save the "different" child.
Parents, YOU can help find that child. First, talk to staff at the school and find out what kinds of clubs and/or organizations might interest your child and encourage involvement in those activities. Second, look for community clubs, groups and organizations in which your child may find interest.
If you can't find something, perhaps YOU could organize one! It could be as simple as a "film society" where a few children gather at your house to watch movies of similar interest. A craft group where children can create items of interest, anything that might capture a chance for your child to meet and know others with whom a connection might be made.
Children can survive with ONE friend. Sometimes we parents can help find that one. It's definitely worth a try.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The Great Plastic Take Over
Quite a while ago I decided to make a concerted effort to eliminate as much plastic as I possibly could from my life. Boy, was I ever out of luck. Sure, there were some items I could eliminate. I NEVER use plastic bags from stores anymore. I'll carry items out in my arms and load them in the car loose before I'll accept one of those. I do my best to carry my own carry out containers to restaurants. I select items based on packaging as much as I possibly can BUT~food?
My box of crackers has a plastic bag inside. My frozen vegetables come in a plastic bag (no farmers markets in NE Ohio this time of year), my husband's milk-plastic jug (Do you know to cut the ring around the cap so animals' heads don't get caught?) Whole wheat noodles? Plastic bag. Cereal? Cardboard box with plastic inside. I get sick when I throw away plastic. I try to select items packaged in boxes as much as possible but our recycling doesn't accept cardboard designed for the fridge or freezer.
Take a look at this:
http://www.theecologist.org/archive_detail.asp?content_id=1169
I'll continue to search and search for alternatives. Clearly, plastic has overtaken our shopping packaging. I've written to many companies requesting alternative packaging but unless more people than I are writing, I'm not optomistic.
Next time you have a moment, select one item, JUST ONE, that could be packaged without plastic. Send a comment via email (it can be easier that way). Send them this link and hope they care. We know they care about our business.
My box of crackers has a plastic bag inside. My frozen vegetables come in a plastic bag (no farmers markets in NE Ohio this time of year), my husband's milk-plastic jug (Do you know to cut the ring around the cap so animals' heads don't get caught?) Whole wheat noodles? Plastic bag. Cereal? Cardboard box with plastic inside. I get sick when I throw away plastic. I try to select items packaged in boxes as much as possible but our recycling doesn't accept cardboard designed for the fridge or freezer.
Take a look at this:
http://www.theecologist.org/archive_detail.asp?content_id=1169
I'll continue to search and search for alternatives. Clearly, plastic has overtaken our shopping packaging. I've written to many companies requesting alternative packaging but unless more people than I are writing, I'm not optomistic.
Next time you have a moment, select one item, JUST ONE, that could be packaged without plastic. Send a comment via email (it can be easier that way). Send them this link and hope they care. We know they care about our business.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Other Issues and Shorter Articles
I've been told by some readers that I should shorten my articles and vary the topics about which I write. I will do that starting now.
I will continue my blog about bullying as well if there's an interest but I'll try to be brief. It is a topic that is so important to me. In my opinion, it should be important to everyone whether or not they have children. After all, the bullied and the bullies are going to be our future policy makers and caregivers. We all have a stake in remedying this plague. Children are suffering and killing themselves. It is a national crisis.
Well, on a different note, I've just ordered soapnuts! They are nut shells that can be used for all kinds of cleaning needs and are 100% natural! You can clean wool and silk with this product and the shells can be used multiple times before they're placed in compost piles or tossed into a field to biodegrade? I'm all for NO DETERGENTS, manufacturing pollution and PLASTIC BOTTLES THAT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! Google "soapnuts" and see what you think.
I ordered mine from: http://www.lullwaterbrands.com/ because they seemed to have the best price.
I just found the best price I've seen and shipment is worldwide:
http://www.soapinanutshell.com.au/main/page_order_soapnuts_online_products.html (next time for me)
How to make soapnut products: http://www.soapnuts.com/
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Bullying-Do We Pay Attention? K-5
I truly believe that most, if not all children, are guilty of bullying someone at some point in time. There are times when our children initiate the act and times when they are joining in with others who are bullying. Especially problematic are the "gossip sessions" where student "A" confides in "B" that "C" said something about "D" and the next thing you know it seems like everyone in the WORLD (almost literally-enter the Internet) knows some version of the atrocity that "C" has committed and "C" subsequently incurs the wrath of the world for something that most likely never occurred.
Well, you've been at work or at home all day long. How are YOU supposed to know about this? Why are YOU responsible for some childhood "right of passage" that "everyone has to endure"? In my opinion as a parent and a long-time teacher, it is the job of a parent to know as much as possible.
First, have you noticed a change in your child's behavior? Quiet? Withdrawn? doesn't like school when there was no previous history of school phobia? Doesn't get calls? Isn't invited to other student's houses? While none of these isolated behaviors are a clear indication that a child is BEING bullied, they can be huge red flags. BUT you have to be present in your child's life to notice when the signals appear. You need to have conversations and LISTEN. (Family dinners with no television are a great time for this kind of interaction.) Another great time to talk is while you're together in a car. NO RADIO. Ask questions like, "Who is your best friend at school?, Who do you like at school and why? , Is there anyone you don't like at school?, Why?, Tell me about lunch time. , Tell me about recess time., What do you do?, With whom do you play?" Tell stories of your childhood and experiences. Doing so can be a great ice breaker. Ask a question then tell YOUR answer.
When children are young if you hear tales of possible bullying after talking to your child or listening to some interaction that alerts you, call the teacher or guidance counselor at school to schedule a conference. Go in ASKING for clarification. DON'T GO IN WITH GUNS A BLAZIN'! In fact, ask a lot of questions (using the above questions, for example, rephrased as an inquiry about your child). Be willing to realize that your child may have a part in what's going on. Maybe there's some antagonizing?
Inquire about programs in place at the school which are designed to PREVENT bullying. It is far better to be proactive than reactive. If there is no such thing offer your services (whatever you can do) that may aid in beginning a program. ASK. Ask how you can help. You are more likely to get much more help if you are not confrontational. If you go in blasting the school, the personnel and everyone who LOOKS like the personnel, everyone is likely to be upset and you are unlikely to obtain the help you need.
If you have parents with whom you communicate, inquire with them about their child's experiences. You may gain an entirely different perspective.
In the meantime, keep talking to your child. This is a great time for a lesson. Ask a lot of questions: "Why do you think that happens?, What are some ways you could react? What might happen if you took that course of action?" Sometimes playing a game of sorts helps draw children out. "Well, if you dyed your hair green and painted your face orange, what might happen?" Work your way into a more serious discussion. Your child will learn so many skills by following this format. First, it's important to talk about problems. One doesn't have to be alone. When many people are contributing to ideas, it is often easier to find a solution. There are many options of behavior choice and each choice has a consequence. Choosing your own behaviors often dictates the chosen consequences.
If you learn that YOUR child is part of the problem, LISTEN! Our children make mistakes. No time like now to learn about more chosen consequences to chosen behaviors. (Continue to use the word choose. That one simple word is very powerful. It takes away the "punisher" roll and emphasizes that behaviors have consequences. They always will.)
Continue to talk calmly with your child about what your child is doing, why he or she is choosing that behavor, the consequences for others brought about by his/her actons (develop empathy). ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES! Punishment such as grounding is probably O.K. but it's far more important to have your child "pay" restitution.
A comment left on an earlier post outlined how the writer's parents would lead her to talk to the child she bullied along with the child's PARENTS, acknowledging her behavior and apologizing to all. (BRAVO TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!! Parents who cared not only for your integrity and social responsibility but also for the feelings of the other child.) A heartfelt apology along with an acknowledgement of awareness of the other's feelings can go a long way towards healing the injured party. I would suggest one further action: restitution. One simple thoughtful action designed to fill in the void of the unkind act. This restitution needs to be true in deed and feeling. It takes some thinking but a very good thinking that forces a child to think of others as people with feelings, needs and more like themselves than different.
If your child has Internet access know the passwords and check the accounts--OFTEN. You are NOT violating privacy. IT IS YOUR HOME, YOUR COMPUTER, YOUR CHILD FOR WHOM YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE! If necessary, install keystroke software that will record everything that happens on the computer. You can check it at your leisure but be sure you check it! (You can also be alert to possible child predator situations this way as well.) It is our job to know what our children are doing. You can tell your child ahead of time that this will be occurring. Your monitoring does not have to be subversive. It's probably better if it is not a secret. Betraying trust can create a whole slew of other problems that are very long lasting. The truth is, the Internet creates a sense of anonymity that can evoke unimaginable cruelness (unfortunately this is true even with adults). It is also our job to protect our children. Knowing your child's computer activities protects more than you might believe.
Childhood bullying does occurr. We can't pretend it doesn't. There is a great chance that at some point or another our children, each and every one will be involved with bullying in one way or another. We are negligent in our duty as parents when we choose not to pay attention. By choosing to ignore or pretend that there is never a problem, we choose to perhaps inflict permanent psychological damage either by leaving a child alone to endure torture at the hands of classmates or by allowing a child's behavior to go on unimpeded giving the message that bullying is acceptable.
Pay attention
Listen
Schedule time
Spend time
TALK
SUPPORT
Plan
Be an advocate! Talk to other parents and/or school personnel. GET THE FACTS. Try to HELP.
Help a child.
Well, you've been at work or at home all day long. How are YOU supposed to know about this? Why are YOU responsible for some childhood "right of passage" that "everyone has to endure"? In my opinion as a parent and a long-time teacher, it is the job of a parent to know as much as possible.
First, have you noticed a change in your child's behavior? Quiet? Withdrawn? doesn't like school when there was no previous history of school phobia? Doesn't get calls? Isn't invited to other student's houses? While none of these isolated behaviors are a clear indication that a child is BEING bullied, they can be huge red flags. BUT you have to be present in your child's life to notice when the signals appear. You need to have conversations and LISTEN. (Family dinners with no television are a great time for this kind of interaction.) Another great time to talk is while you're together in a car. NO RADIO. Ask questions like, "Who is your best friend at school?, Who do you like at school and why? , Is there anyone you don't like at school?, Why?, Tell me about lunch time. , Tell me about recess time., What do you do?, With whom do you play?" Tell stories of your childhood and experiences. Doing so can be a great ice breaker. Ask a question then tell YOUR answer.
When children are young if you hear tales of possible bullying after talking to your child or listening to some interaction that alerts you, call the teacher or guidance counselor at school to schedule a conference. Go in ASKING for clarification. DON'T GO IN WITH GUNS A BLAZIN'! In fact, ask a lot of questions (using the above questions, for example, rephrased as an inquiry about your child). Be willing to realize that your child may have a part in what's going on. Maybe there's some antagonizing?
Inquire about programs in place at the school which are designed to PREVENT bullying. It is far better to be proactive than reactive. If there is no such thing offer your services (whatever you can do) that may aid in beginning a program. ASK. Ask how you can help. You are more likely to get much more help if you are not confrontational. If you go in blasting the school, the personnel and everyone who LOOKS like the personnel, everyone is likely to be upset and you are unlikely to obtain the help you need.
If you have parents with whom you communicate, inquire with them about their child's experiences. You may gain an entirely different perspective.
In the meantime, keep talking to your child. This is a great time for a lesson. Ask a lot of questions: "Why do you think that happens?, What are some ways you could react? What might happen if you took that course of action?" Sometimes playing a game of sorts helps draw children out. "Well, if you dyed your hair green and painted your face orange, what might happen?" Work your way into a more serious discussion. Your child will learn so many skills by following this format. First, it's important to talk about problems. One doesn't have to be alone. When many people are contributing to ideas, it is often easier to find a solution. There are many options of behavior choice and each choice has a consequence. Choosing your own behaviors often dictates the chosen consequences.
If you learn that YOUR child is part of the problem, LISTEN! Our children make mistakes. No time like now to learn about more chosen consequences to chosen behaviors. (Continue to use the word choose. That one simple word is very powerful. It takes away the "punisher" roll and emphasizes that behaviors have consequences. They always will.)
Continue to talk calmly with your child about what your child is doing, why he or she is choosing that behavor, the consequences for others brought about by his/her actons (develop empathy). ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES! Punishment such as grounding is probably O.K. but it's far more important to have your child "pay" restitution.
A comment left on an earlier post outlined how the writer's parents would lead her to talk to the child she bullied along with the child's PARENTS, acknowledging her behavior and apologizing to all. (BRAVO TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!! Parents who cared not only for your integrity and social responsibility but also for the feelings of the other child.) A heartfelt apology along with an acknowledgement of awareness of the other's feelings can go a long way towards healing the injured party. I would suggest one further action: restitution. One simple thoughtful action designed to fill in the void of the unkind act. This restitution needs to be true in deed and feeling. It takes some thinking but a very good thinking that forces a child to think of others as people with feelings, needs and more like themselves than different.
If your child has Internet access know the passwords and check the accounts--OFTEN. You are NOT violating privacy. IT IS YOUR HOME, YOUR COMPUTER, YOUR CHILD FOR WHOM YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE! If necessary, install keystroke software that will record everything that happens on the computer. You can check it at your leisure but be sure you check it! (You can also be alert to possible child predator situations this way as well.) It is our job to know what our children are doing. You can tell your child ahead of time that this will be occurring. Your monitoring does not have to be subversive. It's probably better if it is not a secret. Betraying trust can create a whole slew of other problems that are very long lasting. The truth is, the Internet creates a sense of anonymity that can evoke unimaginable cruelness (unfortunately this is true even with adults). It is also our job to protect our children. Knowing your child's computer activities protects more than you might believe.
Childhood bullying does occurr. We can't pretend it doesn't. There is a great chance that at some point or another our children, each and every one will be involved with bullying in one way or another. We are negligent in our duty as parents when we choose not to pay attention. By choosing to ignore or pretend that there is never a problem, we choose to perhaps inflict permanent psychological damage either by leaving a child alone to endure torture at the hands of classmates or by allowing a child's behavior to go on unimpeded giving the message that bullying is acceptable.
Pay attention
Listen
Schedule time
Spend time
TALK
SUPPORT
Plan
Be an advocate! Talk to other parents and/or school personnel. GET THE FACTS. Try to HELP.
Help a child.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Building a Child's Self-Esteem Part II
You may want to take a seat because I'm about to tell you something for which you may not be prepared. Kids want to be in control of their lives. (I do hope you were sitting down.) They start learning to exert control as soon as they figure out that if they cry, someone will come. every time
Next, they begin to talk and the best word they know is, "NO". They use it for every response to every question, every time. "Do you want to go to the playground?" "no" "Do you want to have a huge bowl of candy?" "no" You get the picture. They realize that they don't HAVE to say "yes" all the time and if they can't have their way well, there's sometimes you-know-what to pay. My mother babysat my children on the 4 days/week I taught. My step-dad and she would take the kids to the dollar store just to buy some toy then they'd go to another store and, since they were there, they'd get another toy. It really came as no surprise to my daughter's dad and me one day when our family was at a store and my daughter asked for a toy. We said THE "N" WORD! Looking somewhat dumbfounded because she was sure she'd misunderstood and she asked again. Our answer was the same. She understood. We knew she understood because she THREW herself to the floor screaming and crying and carrying on. We both just stood and watched her for a couple of minutes. My ex-husband turned to me and said, "We have one of THOSE children!" We unceremoniously picked her up and left the store then went home. It never happened again.
Why? Luck. Luck and the fact that she's a very smart person and the lesson she learned that day was that screaming would not get her a toy. There was no spanking, no shouting, no angry words-no words at all. When she calmed down, we explained to her why we'd left and that we'd leave any situation any time it happened again. Simple.
We also let our children choose almost everything. It's very simple to get what you want that way. If you want control over the clothing choices, take out 2 outfits that you'd approve and let your child pick which one to wear. No arguing. She thinks she's in charge but you know you are.
Sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes we need to be a bit more clever. "Do you want to eat your broccoli or do you want to have your thumbs chopped off?" You know, something like that. My kids still have both of their thumbs. Sometimes it's a great idea to guide a discussion about natural consequences of each of the choices-choose to stop crying and choose to stay or choose to continue crying and choose to leave. You accomplish 2 things. You have relieved yourself of being the "punishment meanie" by making the consequences clear and also being clear that the chosen behavior has a set consequence. By choosing a behavior the child has also chosen a consequence. Be aware of your language and always use the word "choose".
This exercise backfired on my daughter one day. She was 3 and came to me with a mile-high stack of books wanting me to read them to her. We had to leave to go somewhere and I was getting ready so I told her we could read 2 or 3. "NO MOMMY! 5 BOOKS OR NO BOOKS!"
I couldn't help it..."no books".
Puzzled look.
"NO MOMMY! I said, 5 books or NO BOOKS!"
I was a TERRIBLE mom. "NO Books"
She started to cry. I've felt guilty ever since. I don't remember how we ended that but it was a clear sign that she was clear about choices. She just didn't have the finess to swing the choice her way. YET.
We all like to have control. Even now, as an adult, I always appreciate a choice. Maybe not ALWAYS. I don't necessarily count pay taxes or go to jail as a TRUE choice. As a teacher, I offered choices of reading materials, writing topics and formats. Students had to complete all assignments but they did have some control and, for the most part, were much more engaged in whatever they were doing. I guess we all are~when we have a choice.
Segue:
We have a choice, as consumers to choose new, recycled, repurposed, or used products. Please choose to reuse whenever possible. Your children will thank you as will their children for generations to come. We need to start exercising our choice to get what we need while giving the earth a little break at the same time. Behavior/Consequence
Next, they begin to talk and the best word they know is, "NO". They use it for every response to every question, every time. "Do you want to go to the playground?" "no" "Do you want to have a huge bowl of candy?" "no" You get the picture. They realize that they don't HAVE to say "yes" all the time and if they can't have their way well, there's sometimes you-know-what to pay. My mother babysat my children on the 4 days/week I taught. My step-dad and she would take the kids to the dollar store just to buy some toy then they'd go to another store and, since they were there, they'd get another toy. It really came as no surprise to my daughter's dad and me one day when our family was at a store and my daughter asked for a toy. We said THE "N" WORD! Looking somewhat dumbfounded because she was sure she'd misunderstood and she asked again. Our answer was the same. She understood. We knew she understood because she THREW herself to the floor screaming and crying and carrying on. We both just stood and watched her for a couple of minutes. My ex-husband turned to me and said, "We have one of THOSE children!" We unceremoniously picked her up and left the store then went home. It never happened again.
Why? Luck. Luck and the fact that she's a very smart person and the lesson she learned that day was that screaming would not get her a toy. There was no spanking, no shouting, no angry words-no words at all. When she calmed down, we explained to her why we'd left and that we'd leave any situation any time it happened again. Simple.
We also let our children choose almost everything. It's very simple to get what you want that way. If you want control over the clothing choices, take out 2 outfits that you'd approve and let your child pick which one to wear. No arguing. She thinks she's in charge but you know you are.
Sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes we need to be a bit more clever. "Do you want to eat your broccoli or do you want to have your thumbs chopped off?" You know, something like that. My kids still have both of their thumbs. Sometimes it's a great idea to guide a discussion about natural consequences of each of the choices-choose to stop crying and choose to stay or choose to continue crying and choose to leave. You accomplish 2 things. You have relieved yourself of being the "punishment meanie" by making the consequences clear and also being clear that the chosen behavior has a set consequence. By choosing a behavior the child has also chosen a consequence. Be aware of your language and always use the word "choose".
This exercise backfired on my daughter one day. She was 3 and came to me with a mile-high stack of books wanting me to read them to her. We had to leave to go somewhere and I was getting ready so I told her we could read 2 or 3. "NO MOMMY! 5 BOOKS OR NO BOOKS!"
I couldn't help it..."no books".
Puzzled look.
"NO MOMMY! I said, 5 books or NO BOOKS!"
I was a TERRIBLE mom. "NO Books"
She started to cry. I've felt guilty ever since. I don't remember how we ended that but it was a clear sign that she was clear about choices. She just didn't have the finess to swing the choice her way. YET.
We all like to have control. Even now, as an adult, I always appreciate a choice. Maybe not ALWAYS. I don't necessarily count pay taxes or go to jail as a TRUE choice. As a teacher, I offered choices of reading materials, writing topics and formats. Students had to complete all assignments but they did have some control and, for the most part, were much more engaged in whatever they were doing. I guess we all are~when we have a choice.
Segue:
We have a choice, as consumers to choose new, recycled, repurposed, or used products. Please choose to reuse whenever possible. Your children will thank you as will their children for generations to come. We need to start exercising our choice to get what we need while giving the earth a little break at the same time. Behavior/Consequence
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